Since losing the Anthony case in July 2011, former prosecutor Jeff Ashton has been quite a busy guy. He has since retired, wrote a book, is running for public office and has very recently defended his 21-year old son Alexander accused of driving drunk after blowing according to court records, .177 percent on a Breathalyzer test. Father Jeffrey Ashton, who is defending his son disputed the Breathalyzer results and pushed for acquittal.
Subsequently Alexander Ashton was found guilty as charged. Judge Herr revoked Alexander’s license for six months, he has to serve one year probation along with paying court cost and taking court-ordered classes.
And now we’ve learned that Ashton’s daughter has a “clerical error” on her driver’s license, just more Bad karma for the State Attorney hopeful and even more duties to come for lawyer dad Ashton.
But for some of us, it’s an impending nightmare.
I have to wonder if after today’s verdict, Ashton’s daughter will reconsider her representation.
I’m just surprised Jeffie didn’t call Arpad Vass to the stand and try to convince the jurors that lil Alexander had been chloroformed, and his inability to stand upright with his feet together was the result NOT of alcohol, but rather, of chloroform. That darned Casey Anthony must have had a vendetta against Ashton and the evil wench tried to chloroform Jeffie’s baby boy!! Luckily, lil Alexander escaped before the duct tape could be wrapped around his skull three times.
JFC agreed. “He’s very lucky to have escaped the dreaded Duct Tape !!!!”
• Yellow Dog responds:
It’s no wonder that Jeff Ashton had to switch over and become a defense attorney. With kids like his, sounds like he is going to stay busy. I can’t wait to hear what this “clerical error” was concerning his daughter’s drivers license. How is Jeff going to campaign if he has two kids without driver licenses? Maybe he should drop out of the race and open his own taxi service.
Omar: OMG….I’m now having waking nightmares about getting into a taxi and realizing that Jeffie Ashton is the driver!! Ugggggggg.
JFC has so graciously given us just a glimpse of Omar’s impending nightmare. We should all be concerned.
Omar ~ Scene #1
Omar enters taxi “Take me to (insert favorite destination)”
Omar sees the driver’s eyes in the rear view mirror , as he takes a drink from his bottled water. There is something familiar about those eyes.
The driver appears to be laughing hysterically at some inside joke , as he pulls away from the curb. Horns honk and tires screech as he narrowly misses sideswiping a bus.
Omar hears the thunk of the electric door locks. Imperfect Justice (the books on tape version) is blaring through the rear speakers of the cab.
After a mile or so the taxi pulls to the curb to pick up Nancy Grace. Nancy enters the front passenger seat. ” Well, It seems that you have been saying some Naughty things about us Omar, Care to explain ?”
Omar starts to answer but is quickly interrupted…. “No No No , Don’t tell me about Free Speech and your rights and stuff, I WAS A PROSECUTOR DAMMIT” Nancy snarls ” And so was Jeffy here, until he sold out to the CRIMINAL side, But I still respect him”
Omar notices that Nancy is holding a roll of Henkels brand Duct tape in her hands. Nancy turns toward Omar in the back seat and then ……RRRIIIPPPPP….. Omar instinctively thinks it is duct tape being pulled from the roll , Then Jeffy says ” Nancy farted HAHAHAHA” . Nancy denies it , and blames the sound on the leather seats.
End of scene #1
Pleasant dreams Omar
Omar ~ Scene #2
Jeffy quickly downs his bottle of Aqua-Fina and says ” You did too Fart, and it smells like there’s been a dead body in the damn car.!” Ashton squeezes as much air as he can out of the empty plastic bottle and holds it in the area of Nancy’s ample rump ,,then allows the bottle to collect the toxic fumes before recapping it.
Omar stifles a laugh, but Nancy sees it and asks Jeffy for the Chloroform.
“What?” Jeff says with a stupid look on his face
“I TOLD YOU TO MAKE CHLOROFORM, YOU IDIOT !!!” Nancy screamed , with fire blazing in her eyes.
“I thought you said Clorox” Jeffy stammered. ” You can’t just make chloroform in the kitchen sink, you know ?
“Well, did you google it? rasped Nancy, clearly fed up with Jeffy’s incompetence.
” I was going to , but my wife won’t let me on the computer anymore” pouted Ashton
“Well, I guess we have to put Omar in the trunk then” Nancy bellowed
“Yeah , good idea. I have a tarp in the trunk , we can make pigs in a blanket ” said Jeffy
“Stop saying that , you sound like a Moron” Nancy yelled, one of her nipples became exposed above her low-cut blouse.
Jeffy covered his eyes like a schoolboy ,peeking between his fingers Almost hitting an oncoming car
Embarrassed , Nancy grabs the steering wheel. “Pull over, Let me drive, we’re going to Johnson’s towing
End of scene #2
Omar ~ Scene #3
Nancy and Jeff switch places in the car. Nancy slides in behind the wheel, and her stubby legs won’t reach the pedals, so she finds the lever and quickly slides the seat forward. Jeffy’s knees are crushes against the glove compartment door and he howls in pain.”Geez Nancy, you coulda warned me! ”
“Oh be quiet, you long legged giraffe” snarls Nancy as she snaps off the rear view mirror trying to adjust it.
“How come they don’t make these seat belts long enough to fit normal sized people?” Nancy growls trying to buckle up.
As they pull into traffic a cell phone rings , the ringtone is coming from Ashtons pants pocket.
“I said NO cellphones you Clown” Nancy says , grabbing Ashton by his lucky Jerry Garcia tie. “Don’t answer it !!” Hissed Nancy.
“But I have to answer it , It’s my Mom, she always calls me at 3:30 to make sure I took my pills” Jeffy says bravely.
Omar watches in fascination as Nancy demands Jeffs phone , then hurls it out the window.
After a few minutes of driving they arrive at Johnson’s towing yard. Nancy pulls around to the back of the fenced area, and parks the cab. Turning to Omar in the back seat Nancy yells ” I suppose you think it’s funny that you and your Blogger friends got me fired from HLN”
” Yes, I think it is Hilarious”says Omar
“Oh you do…Well then I guess you don’t care that I have to work at Fusian giving table dances for Roy Kronk?”
Omar cannot contain her laughter any longer, and Nancy grabs the nearest object to throw, which just happened to be the taxi’s rear view mirror. Her aim was off and it sailed past Omar hitting the back of the seat and bouncing harmlessly to the floor.
Omar quietly picks it up and slips it into a jacket pocket.”Did you know that my husband left me after you did your smear campaign?”snarls Nancy.
” Yes I knew that” Omar says with a laugh.
” I used to be a STAR , I was on Dancing with the Stars dammit.I was on the same stage with Chaz Bono, now thanks to you I am driving a 12 year old Subaru” said Nancy, almost crying.
Jeff chimes in saying ” And I should have been elected States Attorney, but your website ruined my chances”
“This is Not about you Jeff, you ruined your chances by defending your children on all the driving charges” Nancy grumbles.
“Okay, let’s get this over with, Time for you to go in the trunk Omar”Nancy says opening the driver door.” We’re going to teach you to screw with us”
“I’m not getting in any trunk” Omar says ” you’ll never get away with this”
Nancy pulls a small caliber pistol from her purse. ” get out of the car”
As Jeefy opens the car door Omar is calculating the direction of the sun and pulling the mirror out of the coat pocket, with swift precision the suns beam was aimed directly at Nancys eyes. Temporarily blinded, it was easy for Omar to wrestle the small pistol from her hand.
“Okay, both of you, get in the trunk ” said Omar “Watch your fingers” Omar said as the trunk lid slammed.
Omar thought about calling 911 immediately, ….. or waiting about a month.
as Omar considered this, two patrol cars rounded the corner, “drop the gun”, one officer yelled.
After a few minutes of explaining , it was clear who the real criminals were.
“I smell human decomposition”, one officer said
It’s not me , it’s HER” said Jeffy as he was being handcuffed. ” by the way, how did you find us ?”
“Well, when you didn’t answer your Mother’s phone call , she knew something was wrong and had the taxi company locate you by GPS” said the other officer.
” I can’t believe My Own Mother had me arrested” muttered Jeffy with tears in his eyes.
Hello, I’m Jane Velez Mitchell, BOMBSHELL TONITE….
Washed up EX- HLN host Nancy Grace ARRESTED along with Failed lawyer Jeffrey Ashton in a stunningly stupid Kidnap attempt.
They will both be arraigned before circuit court Judge Jose Baez at 9 am Tomorrow.
For the first time in history Nancy Grace had No Comment.
End of Scene #3
Omar ~ Scene #4
9AM circuit court of Florida city of Orlando in and for the
counties of Orange and Osceola
Honorable Judge Jose Angel Baez Presiding
ALL RISE: ……..Please be seated bailiff Perry, call the first case…..
In the case of State Vs Nancy Grace and Jeffrey Ashton et al charge of kidnapping with a weapon ,punishable by 25 to life, possible death penalty eligible.
“Thank you Belvin.”
“Yes your honor, Lamar Lawson and Linda Drane Burdick will be representing the state of Florida.”
“thank you, and have the co-defendants retained legal council at this time?”
Nancy and Jeffy are both dressed in orange coveralls. Jeff speaks first ” Jose, c’mon buddy, I can’t be tried along
with this woman, She is the MOST hated woman in America” ” I want to represent myself”
Jose reminds Jeffy that this might not be wise considering his track record. ” you know the old joke ~ he who acts as
his own lawyer has a fool for a client” ”well, I don’t really have a sense of humor, but go ahead and finish the joke ” Aston manages to babble.
Exasperated , Jose moves on to Ms. Nancy Grace, who looks like a rotting Georgia Peach in her Orange jumpsuit. “Ms
Grace do you have the funds to hire a lawyer in this very serious charge , or would you like me to appoint one free of
charge?” ” Mr Baez, I have run out of gas three times this week , and I drive a frickin Subaru” Nancy screams “of course I want a
Judge Baez studies a chart for a moment and declares ” Ms Grace. I want you to get Anthony and Fryer”
“Yes, I have Always wanted to do that !!!!” Nancy says with joy in her eyes “I’m sorry Ms. Grace , I think you misunderstood, I am
appointing legal council of Casey Anthony and Lisbeth Fryer”
Casey Anthony and Lisbeth Fryer silently take their places alongside Nancy. Casey leans toward her and whispers “What
did you think I was doing in those years of solitary? “
Stay tuned for intriguing updates as the saga continues!!!
Night after night, Omar’s nightmare continually haunts her…
Superbly Written by JFC~
Thank you very much Justice For Casey!!
Pleasant dreams Omar
Disclaimer: This article is a fictional parody written solely for humor. Laughter is good for the soul!
For Entertainment Purposes Only